So, I saw a couple articles recently that really caught my attention. Marital conflict is going up for many couples as the Coronavirus situation unfolds and now that many people are stuck at home, porn use is skyrocketing. Troubling as it may be, this isn’t surprising at all. In fact, I believe the increase in couples’ conflict is a primary fuel for increased porn use, especially amongst men.
Think about it, as we try to keep ourselves and communities safe we are now spending far more time in our homes with few opportunities to decompress. That increases stress, which leads to friction which eventually leads to outright conflict. And with no quick end in sight, the situation becomes even more stressful. Unfortunately for many men (and some women), the way they deal with conflict, is through porn use.
Porn provides an emotional release that few things can match. It taps into our desires to be wanted, to escape into fantasy while avoiding an unpleasant reality and is a space where there is no conflict. For us men especially, that can be a powerful lure which can lead to long-term entrapment. So as men what can we do to try to avoid or get off this path?
As with all things of importance, prayer should be our starting point, because if God can’t help you with a situation who can??
After this, small but practical changes have to be made:
When things are peaceful (and kids in bed!). Have a “clear the air” talk with your wife, simply acknowledging the stress that she, the family and yourself are currently under (in that order!) and how unprecedented the situation is. Simply putting it out there can be very helpful.
Give yourself and your significant other GRACE throughout this time. Extra patience and kindness can go a LONG WAY.
Be careful how you spend your time on your devices, making sure that you give yourself time and content limits for yourself.
Try to stay connected with male friends: Many men struggle in this area but it is so critical. Our isolation from other men oftentimes exacerbates whatever troubles we are dealing with as we get trapped in an echo chamber of our own thoughts. Talk/text with other guys regularly to help you cope, vent and pray for you. If you have someone you really trust, they can also help keep you accountable with what you are watching